HD 3D

1-Does the story make sense? Can you follow what's going on? When do you have problems?

Story is excellent , somewhat bewildiring to the viewer at first , but it only adds coherent structure at the end " GOOD THING "

2-Do you ever get bored? Do you ever stop asking "what happens next?"

Not at all , layout of script is good , but needs tweaked somewhat .


3-Did you sympathize with any characters? If so which ones andwhy?


Hmm , not sympathize more intruded


4-If you didn't finish reading the script, where did you stop and why?

I never finished it but at page 6 onwards I felt I was skimming .


5-How did you think it was going to end?

needs more delivery


6-What was the most exciting, engaging part of the story?

the painful part the character endured.

7-Is there anything you would take out or add?


SOLID

8-What problem areas immediately jumped out as you read it, and what issues didn't occur to you until you really started thinking about the script?

Script layout needs some work mainly the character speaking parts , maybe a UK thing ,structure is the same but voice format is more prominent

9-Would you want to see this movie?

of course , solid script , vfx would need to bang on for the script to be portrayed in the correct manner , otherwise it fail .

10-Do you think this would be a re-watchable movie?

Hmm possible ,it has that battle royal feel mixed with animated matrix ..


GOODLUCK ....

Bruce Gionet
It's not really a story, it's eye candy. Really good eye candy, potentially. Not something I would see again for anything other than study the effects. Some epic visual moments. If you need help doing them, let me know. I am your ideal Art Director/VFX Supe. Sorry, I am so harsh, but really think about your story. How many "second law" stories/films have there been? What makes this one special?

best of luck,
bruce

/Elias

How did the script hit you?
It hits me as a science fiction thriller. Touches on topics such as artificial intelligence, wrongful conviction and reality vs. illusion.

Did you sympathize with any characters? If so which ones and why?
Not a lot, it bothers me that I don't know the name of the main character. And the fact that there isn't much dialogue in which she shows her mental state.

How did you think it was going to end?
I quickly figured that the main character should come out on top of the situation, but I think it would be interesting to see what difference her visit to the cell would make.

What were the most/least predictable scenes in the script, in your opinion?
The least predictable scene was the door knob scene. I was not expecting needles! I thought that the meeting room scene was a little odd, a programmer defending the software by referencing the promisses it was built on felt a bit forced. The people in that room would know that, the audience should be informed in a different way.

Where and when is the script set?
A couple of decades away.

How do you feel about the characters?
As I mentioned, it's difficult to relate to them as they do not have names? The main character hits me as a mix of Eve from V for Vendetta and Sarah Connor from Terminator. The others I can't way much about

What was the most exciting, engaging part of the story?
Getting injected by the door knob. I also liked the part with the screen, her becoming blurry in a distance. I think it would add a certain claustrophobic feeling.

Be honest - did you have a hard time telling the characters apart/keeping them straight?
I could keep the characters straight but this character I don't get. Maybe that's the point.
"Suddenly low to the ground a hulking creature moves briefly in and out of view under the glow from the window. All we can tell is it's huge and we see a hint of scales and fur."

Would you want to see this movie?
If it can hold on to its theme, I would go watch it.

David Rivero
1-Does the story make sense? Can you follow what's going on? When do you have problems?

Yes, it does make sense. I could follow it all along. I had some doubts about what was happening with the pills at first; didn't made much sense at first.

2-Do you ever get bored? Do you ever stop asking "what happens next?"

No, I think it was pretty interesting.

3-Did you sympathize with any characters? If so which ones and why?


Yeah, I sympathized with the ¨orb¨. It seems from the very first moment, if not a friendly being in the human way, it does seem an impartial, unbiased and kinda fair character. It may have no feelings, but it is its task to do the right thing, justice. Near to the end of the script this is showed by the orb taking its own actions, making its own justice according to the ¨true¨ human ethics.

4-If you didn't finish reading the script, where did you stop and why?

I did finished it.

5-How did you think it was going to end?

Didn't expect anything.

6-What was the most exciting, engaging part of the story?

When the prisoner walks out free and the overseers are ¨jailed¨ by the program.

7-Is there anything you would take out or add?

The very end didn't make much sense; i´d definitively take out that part about the black oil and black liquid in her.

Maybe adding something about what she´s been accused of and why the overseers are trying to blame her (as scapegoat) could fit and link all the tale better.

8-What problem areas immediately jumped out as you read it, and what issues didn't occur to you until you really started thinking about the script?

The pills area did confuse me a bit at first; but I think it´s part of the style of the it, so it´s ok. When the files and videos are being copied, I thought that maybe someone (human) was trying to help her.

9-Would you want to see this movie?

Yes, I would see the short film.

10-Do you think this would be a re-watchable movie?

A couple of times at least. If it was more complex it could be ¨more¨ re-watchable; but then you risk to bore the public or the chance of them getting lost with the plot.
Pretty good in general. Good luck with it; I look forward to actually watch it.

From @spencerlindsay

1-Does the story make sense?
Eventually.

Can you follow what's going on?
Yes, eventually. I like the slow reveal.

When do you have problems?
When the prisoner takes the pills on her own volition right after being threatened with death. Not a human/mammal reaction.


2-Do you ever get bored? Do you ever stop asking "what happens next?"
Some of the dying/waking/dying/waking got repetitive. Is it germane to the narrative?


3-Did you sympathize with any characters? If so which ones and why?
Yes, the prisoner, because she's the protagonist.


4-If you didn't finish reading the script, where did you stop and why?
Finished it.


5-How did you think it was going to end?
I wasn't sure. It was pretty psychedelic. I did like the "AI with a conscience" twist at the end. The black fluid thing at the very end is unnecessary and the fluid in the eye thing has been overdone by Chris Carter in X-Files.


6-What was the most exciting, engaging part of the story?
The AI implanting the idea that the doorknob was a trap.


7-Is there anything you would take out or add?
Yeah, although it would be fun to model and animate, the centipede thing is kinda pointless.


8-What problem areas immediately jumped out as you read it, and what issues didn't occur to you until you really started thinking about the script?
I think I've summed that up.

9-Would you want to see this movie?
Totally. Short film, right? 20 minutes tops?


10-Do you think this would be a re-watchable movie?
It depends on the production. In my minds eye, I see it as I would like it to be. If you nailed that, then yes, I'd watch it a few times at least.

1-Does the story make sense? Can you follow what's going on? When do you have problems?

Everything is very clear and very sequenced, and apart from a little clunky dialogue it all makes perfect sense.




2-Do you ever get bored? Do you ever stop asking "what happens next?"

No pacing is fine.








3-Did you sympathize with any characters? If so which ones andwhy?

An audience member will always sympathise with the Prisoner character as we do not percieve ourselves in any other situation. We are never the persecutor we are always the victim.

4-If you didn't finish reading the script, where did you stop and why?

N/A

5-How did you think it was going to end?

The ending did not surprise me, but I do like the idea that the Overseer's suffer their own punishment, poetic justice always feels satisfying.

6-What was the most exciting, engaging part of the story?

The initial confusion around the prisoners detainment, the right ammount of information is given to the audience, it encourages inspriation and guesswork.

7-Is there anything you would take out or add?
The only thing that I found jarring was little snippits of dialogur that could just flow better. I won't go into specifics because it's not my place, but I would recommend you to read it aloud and see what jars.




8-What problem areas immediately jumped out as you read it, and what issues didn't occur to you until you really started thinking about the script?
see previous answer.




9-Would you want to see this movie?

Yes, it seems an interesting take on the whole dystopian future genre.




10-Do you think this would be a re-watchable movie?

It depends on the execution but as far as the script goes it all looks promising.


If you need any other feedback or even help feel free to get back in touch!

Matt shuff

http://twitter.com/#!/_TK421_

6-robot bug scene
9-yes
10-maybe